Apr 122015

IMG_4337If you remember anything about me, I want it to be that I’m the first recipient of a Hole Punch Toys toy Down Under. The first person to put an Ass Cram Cone down under, in Down Under.

The Ass Cram Cone is a gorgeous, not-so-little butt toy, handmade in Minnesota by Hole Punch Toys. It’s a buttplug shaped like a swirl of soft-serve and coloured like Neapolitan ice cream, complete with drips. It’s cute, hilarious and perfect.

My favourite thing about Hole Punch toys is that they’re fun, and I’m a sucker for puns. Their site is well worth a look if you love interesting and humorous toys.

The Ass Cram Cone is a fairly large plug. Its maximum circumference is 6.4 inches and has an insertable length of around 4.5 inches. It’s definitely the thickest thing I’ve had up my ass thus far. Thanks to the taper of the tip on the Ass Cram, it was actually a lot easier to conquer than I imagined. It still took a lot of lube, warm-up and determination, but I did get it in, despite it being significantly larger than my biggest plug which is 1.5″ diameter.

Because it’s so large, it’s offered in both soft and stiff firmness. I got mine in stiff as I know I enjoy harder toys. This is my first Hole Punch toy, and I don’t know how soft their soft is, so stiff seemed like the best option for me. I’d rather something be too hard than too soft.

They’re not kidding when they say it’s stiff. It’s hard, harder than Tantus toys, and has no discernible give in the body.

When inserted I can feel it, and clenching around it is really nice. It very much pushes my limits and if it were any bigger it wouldn’t fit. This is great; it stretches and fills me, and turns out I enjoy that as much anally as I do vaginally. Although it leads to some issues too. I can detect the drips, and they feel nice internally, but during insertion because it’s so close to being too big, the drips can feel a bit harsh on my hole. I’m stubborn and pushed past it, and when it finally popped in it was totally worth it, but it was somewhat uncomfortable in the process. On removal I thought they might pull my ass out, but I survived intact. If you’re more experienced with toys this big, you’re probably not going to have this experience because your butt is used to it.

The base of the Ass Cram Cone is shaped like a puddle of ice cream, which is cute. I found it to dig into my butt cheeks, it felt pretty terrible, but I rubbed some lube around the base and twisted it and found a position it didn’t feel so bad. It was constantly there though, just not as severely. I think that it would be far less noticeable in soft, as the base would be more likely to move with your shape rather than be stubborn where they are.

I usually use butt plugs as part of double penetration, but because of how big it is, this time I just stuck with the Ass Cram in my butt while using a vibe on my clit. It gave me something to clench around, and I need some sort of penetration to bring me to orgasm most times, and the Ass Cram Cone gave me that. It didn’t pop out with my harder clenches during orgasm either.


For science, I used it vaginally too, which I really, really enjoyed. It’s perfectly sized for me and fills me, like a plug for my vagina, once again providing me with something to clench around. When I used it like this it’d pop in and out. I could feel the ridges better vaginally. I did have the same issue with the base digging in though.

The Ass Cram Cone, and other Hole Punch products are made in a two-part mold, which means they have a small seam right around the middle. I can’t detect the seam in use, even in stiff silicone. It doesn’t protrude enough to collect anything or necessitate more dedicated cleaning. It can be cleaned easily with warm water and soap. If you’re going to use it both vaginally and anally, make sure to sterilize between the two with some bleach or by boiling. Alternatively, use a condom. Butt germs in your vagina aren’t good. Look after yourself!

The Ass Cram is made from pure platinum cure silicone, so you should avoid using silicone lubricant as it could react negatively and ruin your toy. I’ve used my SPUNK Hybrid lube with it, which hasn’t caused any issue, but make sure you spot test on the base before using any silicone lube with your plug.

Hole Punch Toys come in cardboard tubes with a print on the outside. It’s simple and works perfectly for keeping your toy safe. It’s not discreet but it does work well for storage. Another thing about Hole Punch Toys is that if you’re outside the U.S. you can’t order directly from the site, HOWEVER, if you email them, they’re more than happy to oblige your international punny toy needs, and get you a quote for postage to your corner of the world.

The Ass Cram Cone wouldn’t be great for prolonged wear, the base isn’t shaped right for that at all, but if you want some extra sensation during play, something to clamp around, it’s wonderful.

Maybe I just like pushing my limits. I have another toy on the way that I’m not sure I can take, but I have plenty of enthusiasm. If I’ve learnt anything from my years in therapy, it’s to believe in myself and persevere. And I did, and this time, it was definitely worth it. As someone who’s lactose intolerant, putting ice cream in my body is rarely worth it, but this ice cream was. I can see myself using the Ass Cram Cone more in the future, for the times I want to push myself. It’s a well made plug that is cute as hell.

If the size of the Ass Cram scares you, there is a smaller ice cream toy available; the Teeny Creemee!

I was sent the Ass Cram Cone by Hole Punch Toys in exchange for my honest review.


 Posted by at 8:02 pm

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