Mar 142016

UltraZone EternalWhen I was contacted by TopCo Toyz to review for them, I went onto their site to have a peek at what they sell. Somehow, among eight million jelly toys, I managed to find a couple of silicone products that caught my eye.

The UltraZone Eternal is a sweet little thing. I saw the shape and could imagine it sliding between my labia, fitting perfectly where I wanted it too. Also one of it colour options is blue. I have a hard time ignoring blue toys.

It’s just as cute in real life. It’s small, but the rather bulbous head looks great, I love the little ridges that are over the silicone portion of the toy. It’s easy to operate as there’s only one button, and it’s rechargeable so I don’t have to worry about finding batteries.

Which is where the first hiccup in this cute parade arises.The charger doesn’t really fit the product. It’s a magnetic charger, it clips to it easily, but the metal parts don’t sit totally against each other and are quite easy to bump off. They just touch enough to work. The base of the toy is curved and the charging part is not; it’s flat. It took some finagling to get it to sit correctly and actually charge. Mostly it wanted to attach to one side or the other, and if it goes too far one way it ceases charging. If you/a pet/strong wind knock it, which makes it detach quite easily, the light turns green. I always see the green light like “YAY! IT’S DONE!”, when in reality it has just been bumped. Which is possibly the most ridiculous flaw in a toys charger I’ve ever seen, right up next to L’Amourose providing an Australian adapter that doesn’t fit our power-points correctly. The light shouldn’t appear at all if it’s not properly attached. It’s a silly little thing that is truly a pain in the ass.

Once it had charged I turned it on to check out what kind of vibration I’d get. Somewhere along the line of agreeing to review for them, I’d forgotten brands that sell a massive number of different designs tend to have buzzier motors in their vibrators. Which isn’t a problem! Assuming you like buzzy vibrations, which I do not. They are the bane of my clits existence.

Being the good reviewer I am I sucked it up and tried it out. I had it in my hands, charged and ready to go. It didn’t do anything for me. Nothing. At all. Not a thing. It’s buzzy, and even though I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s weak, the vibrations are so superficial my clit just nods off and doesn’t even pretend to care for a second.

I do like how it sits on my clit, I was totally right about the shape working for me. But the vibrations, ohhhh the vibrations, they’re so buzzy I may as well call them weak. They don’t penetrate my nerves like a rumbly vibrator does. This isn’t my beloved We-Vibe Touch. This isn’t even my over-priced, doesn’t-always-work-for-me Eroscillator.

It went flat. I held it on me trying it out, trying to find some way it would work for me, until the battery ran out. The whole time I wanted to switch it for something else. I can’t do buzzy vibrations clitorally, and god these are so buzzy.

At no point in testing has this toy done a single thing for me. My body doesn’t get along with it at all, and though I like to think my clitoris doesn’t need strong vibrations (which is DOESN’T, the We-Vibe Tango hurts me 90% of the time) it needs depth, which is something the UltraZone Eternal cannot provide.

If you’re into buzzy, light, probably numbing vibrations then shit son, I think I’ve found a good vibe for you. But if you’re a fan of deeper vibrations like I am, it’ll be a waste of money. The shape and colour are so, so cute, but the vibrations are lacking immensely.

I personally don’t agree with the price either. I try not to comment on price unless something is an awesome deal, or incredibly expensive, because it’s up to you what you’re willing to spend. But this is USD$70 or AUD$92. That’s reaching the high-end clit vibe price range, and I don’t think it’s worth it. Not with how buzzy it is, and certainly not with the questionable charger. Alongside that I wouldn’t say the vibrator quality necessarily feels cheap, but it also doesn’t feel as sturdy as some vibrators I own. You can buy a vibe with the same buzzy vibrations for $20. Unless you really, really love the design, I don’t think that price is reasonable to pay for this toy.

It is silicone, and totally waterproof, which I can only assume is why it’s so pricey. If it weren’t I would imagine it would be the same price as any other clit vibe that isn’t from a prominent high-end brand. However, if the shape and imagined feel of the UltraZone Eternal appeals to you, I would implore you to wait for a sale to buy it.


topco toyz

I was sent this product in exchange for my honest review

 Posted by at 7:09 pm

  2 Responses to “Review: UltraZone Eternal”

  1. Does it means when the charger turns yellow it means its just chraging or full? I just got mine and its not turning on. I charged it fir 5hours and the light is still on red. When i found your review i tried what you did and light turns yellow i dont know what it means but still its not turning on still.

    • Red means it’s flat/charging, green (I never had a yellow light but everyone perceives colours differently) means it’s completed its charge.

      I’d triple check that both of the magnetic parts are making contact. If it still doesn’t finish charging then contact TopCo or the store you brought it from and let them know what’s happening. You may have gotten a dud and they should replace it or offer a refund.

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